Remembrance
by Wordsplat
Summary: Kakashi is gone, but Iruka remembers. Oneshot, KakashixIruka


Iruka remembered Kakashi as a mild, peaceful creek; a steady flow of water always ready to soothe a wound or calm a frantic mind. Kakashi was a constant. Others may have seen Kakashi as just one more eccentric Jounin, but Iruka knew that Kakashi was patterned, consistent; reliable. Something Iruka had never really had much experience with. Shinobi were crazy, caught up in the moment, living for just one more breath of life before it was snatched away from them.

Maybe Kakashi was simply confident enough in his talents as a shinobi that he didn't think he would die soon; maybe he had already accepted that death would come when it came. Maybe he was just too apathetic to worry about it. Either way, Kakashi didn't live in the moment, didn't concern himself with the train of thought that one should live life while there was still a life to live. Kakashi had developed a pattern for his life, fallen into a comfortable schedule that had no intention of changing. He didn't go to wild parties or drink until he passed out. He took good care of himself and his health, as if he expected to be around a good long time.

Iruka had hoped he would be, but regardless of hopes and dreams, Kakashi was an active shinobi and active shinobi did not tend to make grand plans that involved lifespans of more than thirty or so years. After 35, all but the most arrogant active shinobi knew themselves to be living on borrowed time. Though not yet 35, Kakashi was getting older each day, yet continued to make plans. He spoke to Iruka of the years they would spend together, spoke of plans for the future and lives to live out.

At the time, Iruka had never been sure what to make of that. He knew that nothing would come of such plans. He knew better than anyone that everything you work for can be gone in just the blink of an eye. One successful mission is all it takes to eliminate an enemy team; one failed mission is all it takes for them to eliminate yours. Such things had happened to both of them, but Kakashi didn't seem to mind Iruka's lack of enthusiasm for his dreams. He continued to dream his dreams, continued to weave his tales of a future together, and Iruka continued to listen.

Of course, he and Kakashi ended with a mission, as all shinobi relationships do in one way or another. Kakashi found himself alone, ambushed, and in over his head; a week later his body was found. Two weeks later, his funeral was held. Three weeks later, Iruka was still unable to return to their apartment. Though he would never have expected himself to be so sentimental, any time Iruka came close to returning to his-to _their_-home, he found his heart aching with memory.

"_Kakashi, this is silly."_

"_Oh, come on, Iruka. Just take a moment. Picture it." Kakashi was smiling, and Iruka loved that he could identify the specific crinkles of Kakashi's mask that told him so._

"_I suppose it couldn't hurt." Iruka told himself he was humoring Kakashi, but the quirk of a smile on his lips was genuine._

"_Close your eyes," Kakashi put his hands lightly over Iruka's eyes._

"_I am, I am," Iruka murmured._

"_Now, picture us, in ten, fifteen years, walking up these steps. Maybe we just went shopping together. Maybe I'm walking you home from school, or the mission room. Either way, we're up, up…" Kakashi led the blind Iruka up the steps, one hand steady on his back, the other entwined with Iruka's, "And we go inside…" Kakashi swung open the door, "And I welcome you home…" Kakashi guided Iruka into his arms, pressing a soft kiss against the man's lips._

"_Mm, and here I thought you and I were walking in together," Iruka murmured with a chuckle._

"_Any excuse to kiss you," Kakashi murmured, kissing Iruka again, fiercer this time, "Is a very good excuse indeed."_

"_Who says you need excuses, hm?"_

Though Iruka returned to work only a week after receiving the news and had even begun picking up extra shifts in the mission room as he used to, these memories continued to keep him from their home. A month passed, then two, six. Iruka continued to pay the rent on both their home and his new apartment, though Naruto and various other helpful former students had long ago moved out his necessary possessions.

It was a year to the day since Kakashi's death when Iruka died, and though he never left the village, it took almost three days to find him. On the first day, a substitute was called, but nobody searched. Iruka had been quiet and withdrawn since Kakashi's death, and it wasn't unlikely he had needed a moment's solitude on the anniversary of his beloved's death. On the second day, Team 7 became curious, and Iruka was searched for at his usual places but not with any deep worry. On the third day Naruto pushed the matter, demanding that there was no way Iruka would ever miss three days of class without telling _someone. _A search team was sent out, and eventually Iruka was discovered curled up in bed in the apartment he had shared with Kakashi. A short investigation revealed he had gone to sleep there sometime around midnight. At some point he had passed away in his sleep, a rarity not only for shinobi but for anyone his age.

The best relationships are give and take. Give them all that you are, accept all that they are. In a working relationship, that constant flow affects you, changes your opinions, your ideas, your perceptions of life. You adopt certain mentalities of your partner, either by frequent association or simply because you love them so much that they become a part of you.

Which is how Umino Iruka, ever the realist, died of a broken heart.


End file.
